Bubble Bust

I admit it, I'm a little gulliable.

I'm not sure if it's an affront or a credit to my professional marketing career. In one way, it's nice to be your own ideal customer and think of what you'd see/think/feel. On the other hand - well, is everyone really that dumb??

It isn't something that stops at food, even if I like to think of myself as an above-averagely gifted and knowledgable culinary craftsman. I remember starting work at the Will Remain Anonymously Named Food Distribution Company a few years ago, and being crushed seeing all of the frozen options - and realities. Yes, I thought that at Starbucks there were these secret, extremely compact bakeries, where baristas snuck back to knead scones and glaze muffins.

As I may or may not have mentioned, Metropolitan Market in Seattle is my favorite grocery store. It is, simply put, perfection. The Admiral district store, mind you - you have to go to the right one. It's an independent chain in and around the Seattle area, which means that I don't get to shop there on a weekly basis (which is probably a good thing - I'd go bankrupt otherwise). But when I do, it's like nothing I can replicate in Portland. The adorable cookware-and-cookbook shop-within-a-shop, the (mostly) scratch bakery, the fountain in the produce section, the hand-spun mozzarella - all with the sleek and cosmopolitan class that you just don't find anywhere in Oregon. People do not dress up in Oregon, and neither do their grocery stores. There's an air of reverie for the food, one that would ward off thoughts of going in your pajamas and mustard-stained sweatshirt.

I have my routines on my visits, every month or so. I always buy a bag of their in-house pitas. They're much softer than other pita bread you'll buy, but they crispen up along the edges under the broiler, creating a great crunch and supple, bready center. I grab a real glass bottle of 1% milk - because it's glass! and also locally/sustainably/deliciously created. And I grab an issue of Metropolitan Market's Real Foods magazine. A magazine with food photography, new products, and seasonal recipes. It's a little piece of this Metropolitan Mecca I can take back to no-nonsense PDX, postcards from a home I refuse to yield.

So I was going to feature a really awesome recipe, dear readers (whoever you are - I feel oh-so-super awesome ranting out to my proudly proclaimed ZERO FOLLOWERS glaring at me from the right hand of this screen). And I thought, ooh, I wonder if Metropolitan Market has a website for said magazine. This is 2010 after all, slices of toast have their own websites. Then maybe I could link to a picture, and it would be so great! Technology is cool.

So I googled "Metropolitan Market Real Foods", and this is what I got:

http://www.realfoodmag.com

OF COURSE!!! You evil, clever little bastards. You don't secure nationally-noted foodies, or chef-exclusive recipes, for Metropolitan Market's meager 6 stores. Real Foods is a -

MARKETING PLOY!!!!!!

FOOLED BY OWN GAME!!!!

I felt so cheated! And I thought I had something special. Nope. Just a national marketing consultant template with a few local ads dumped into InDesign. And I pay 99 cents a trip for it.

"Real Food differentiates your store from the competition while providing you with an exclusive marketing tool unavailable to anyone else in your trade area. The high production standards of the magazine and quality of the content, combined with stunning visuals and graphic design, create a stimulative environment for showcasing your product."

GRRRR.

Next thing you'll be telling me that Happy Cows don't come from California.